Dear baby

Nov. 6th, 2015 03:09 pm
figment: A treewoman, a dryad, her arms are branches (treewoman)
[personal profile] figment
Dear baby girl,

Hello, sweetheart. I am so very pleased that you will be ready to meet us and join our family in just two months.

You are my second child. I am fortunate in that you are also my second pregnancy. Like all children after the first, you are already less documented, less photographed, less written-about than your older brother. It turns out that being a parent to a two-and-a-half-year-old, working full-time, and being pregnant is a very tiring combination, and my free time is not even really free. I am stealing this time right now, for example, from my most excellent employer. I feel a little guilty about that, but also feel guilty about your relatively underdocumented status, and the guilts balance each other out. (You will learn that your mother is far too good at feeling guilty and obligated.)

I thought it would be good to spend some time writing about how I feel now and how this pregnancy is going so that there is a little record, if not an extensive one, before your birth.

In general, I am very fortunate in my pregnancies. Through no virtue of my own, I didn't get morning sickness, and haven't had any of the common big pregnancy complaints. I am tired, and sleep is difficult, but overall I am well. I do have one big anxiety, which is that the placenta that has been feeding you and providing you with oxygen so well might be too low in my uterus for me to be able to have the birth I want. If it does not move in the next week and a half, I will be transferred from midwife care to OB care, and may end up having a C-section. I remind myself that many women have this, that the goal is a healthy baby and healthy mama, and that it will be okay if it happens. But it is not what I hope for.

At 31 weeks gestation, you are apparently something like 16 or 17 inches long now. Your organs are all developed, although your lungs are still not quite ready for prime time. You will apparently double your weight in the next 9 weeks. Like your big brother, you hiccup frequently. Unlike him, with you, I feel all of your movements - hiccup, kick, turn, twist, punch, squirm, roll - very clearly. You seem to love to move around when I am seated at my desk working, or when I am in meetings, and you are particularly fond of drumming on my insides when I have laid down to sleep at night. My belly is large and round and I can often see your movements rippling and pushing at my abdomen.

I looked recently and saw that I have only gained 15 pounds so far with you. The "normal expected amount" to gain for a woman of average/normal weight is 25-30 pounds. This means that I should be gaining a pound a week for the remainder of my pregnancy, and given the fact that I am hungry almost all the time - especially at night - I imagine that won't be a problem. Bring on the ice cream! (I kid, sort of. I mostly eat very healthy, but when faced with the feeling of starving at bedtime I will happily eat a bowl of ice cream. Quick delicious calories.) I feel rather large, but looking at that number reminds me that all of my growth has been normal (or even slightly lower than normal) and all in the right place. I am told that I do not look at all pregnant from behind, although it is quite obvious when I stand in profile.

Your Daddy is so excited to meet you. He sometimes talks to you, puts his hands on my belly and tells you who he is and that he loves you. He is sweet with you in utero in a way that he was not with your brother. And it's true: somehow we love you, our child, before you have even been born. And I know that those feelings of love will become truly overwhelming when you actually are born.

Your big brother is excited, too. He doesn't really understand, of course, what an impact your arrival will have on our family. (In some ways, none of us do, but your Daddy and I have some idea.) But he is excited to be a big brother, and to get to see you. We have read "Ollie" (who is waiting to hatch) quite a few times lately; Niko often wants to stop at the baby room at school to look at the babies and think about you being in that room after you come out of Mommy's belly; he is excited at the notion of feeling you kick in my belly (although he has not yet felt that). He has said he will share his toys with you, and for a two-and-a-half-year-old, that's a big deal. He is sure that, like him, you love trains. We know you will love each other, although doubtless you will have some normal sibling conflicts too.

Because of the concern about your placenta, I have the dubious advantage of getting to see you on ultrasound fairly regularly. The last ultrasound, and the last midwife appointment, agreed that your head is down, your back is along my left side, and your arms and legs are off on my right side - good positioning, should I be able to have the natural childbirth I desire. The ultrasounds also show me your adorable profile. You have a really cute nose. I can't wait to kiss it. Last time, I also got to see you opening your mouth and swallowing. Good skill to practice.

I look forward so to holding you in my arms, drinking in all of your features, nursing you, even to changing and bathing you. For now, grow well and safely where you are, and ... maybe consider not punching me so much at bedtime, eh?



(no subject)

Date: 2015-11-08 06:34 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
So sweet!

Reminded me of this book we bought second hand and love because it works for us even though N wasn't born to us.

(no subject)

Date: 2015-11-11 06:39 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
*sniff* yeah!


figment: Photo of me, smiling, in a sari (Default)

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