(no subject)

[figment]

I've been struggling with feeling overwhelmed, and with a very atypical-for-me lack of excitement about my life. I decided that one of my problems was that I was not giving myself enough time (I know, you all knew this already) so I have been trying to make that somewhat more of a priority.

I also have a strong tendency to schedule stuff, because well, otherwise it usually doesn't happen. But this can result in having a very full day where I have a number of scheduled things that I feel I must do. Even good things can come to seem like obligations, and that sucks.

So I took Friday off last week, didn't tell anyone other than my job, and had a day to myself, where I did whatever I wanted to and didn't schedule anything. It was good. I slept in and went swimming and did some clean-up around the house and read a couple of books and did some sewing.

I have still been busy, especially with friends visiting from out of town, which has occasioned a heck of a lot of eating out.

But I have been getting a little better about saying No. Last night, for example, I went to a meeting for an organization of Minnesota international NGOs. I'm on the Communication committee. So far (this was my second meeting) my work has consisted of making a new newsletter template on Mailchimp. The chair of the committee announced that she needs to step down - which I totally understand - and I managed to not only not volunteer for the job, but actually state that I was trying to avoid overcommitment and would not be able to do it. This is a big deal!

I also declined to get involved with the Fire Collective, because I need another weekly obligation like I need another hole in my head.

I'm trying to keep carving out time for exercise (I got some good walking in on Sunday, and on Tuesday I went to the gym and ellipticalled for a while). And I'm trying to protect my time for myself a little more, and give myself more time to create things. I feel so much better when I do that. And the things I am committed to doing, I am trying to make steady progress on, instead of just having that awful looming vague feeling of "I have to get something done on this but I'm not sure what... but it's huge..."

Anyway, through a concerted effort, and a lot of support from Azure, I'm slowly feeling better. But I'm still feeling... I dunno, fragile, I guess, and may retreat from large gatherings of people or decline invitations more often than normal.

Comments

[https://profiles.google.com/whitefox77]

Congratulations. I know this is a big step for you.

[tx-cronopio.livejournal.com]

good for you! I am a firm believer in the crucial benefits of downtime.

[birdfigment.livejournal.com]

Thanks. I believe in it but sometimes that's more theoretical than applied, for me! oops.

[fayde.livejournal.com]

My suggestion would be to make "Me Time" a schedueled event. Assume you need 5 hours a week and schedule accordingly. Me Time would be time for you to do whatever you want then, but doesn't include cleaning, exercise, or anything that may sound like a "chore". (If during Me Time you feel like doing either cleaning or exercise, you can, but don't see it as your time to fit in doing the dishes in your day, that's not what it is for).

Since you said that you scheduel everything, it should fit into you're daily routine of scheduled events easily.

You can adjust the hours needed per week as you see fit, but I would include a minimum of 3 hours per week.

Otherwise, good for you for taking a day off and not telling people. It's hard to do, but I've always enjoyed them.

[birdfigment.livejournal.com]

Hmm. I might try that. I'm not sure; sometimes when I do schedule "just me" time then that fills up my calendar so much that looking at the calendar makes me feel stressed! But it might be worth a shot.

[minnehaha.livejournal.com]

I have encouraged the constantly-scheduled B to look at what he is spending his time on each year, and figure out from that if he has the right balance. (Fun/Couple, Fun/Just Him, Required Work, Volunteer Work... there are other categories, I'm sure.)

Perhaps this sort of breakdown would be a useful analysis for you, too. You can tell the mix isn't working, but if you can ascertain just where the overload is coming from, it might be easier to make simple adjustments that have a large and happy impact.

I always like doing this sort of analysis, which is why I suggest it, I suppose.

K.

[birdfigment.livejournal.com]

I don't know if I'd enjoy doing a formal analysis like that, but I think the mulling-it-over that I've been doing has certainly pointed to a lack of fun/just me time in contrast to the others. Using the same absolutely not-scientific mulling-it-over process, I can tell you that the overload is coming from a combination of social events and volunteer stuff. I like to do so many different things, you see... it's easy to get drawn into more!

[mizzlaurajean.livejournal.com]

I to have suffered from this my husband would attest I still do.
When I worked full time, I limited myself to scheduling things no more than two nights a week and one weekend day. That didn't mean I couldn't do other things on those days but it helped me become more conscious of my time and how to spend it. And it allowed for more spontaneous fun things I never had time for because every day was booked out weeks even months ahead.

It's hard there are too few hours in a day and too many great things to do with ones time.

[birdfigment.livejournal.com]

It's hard there are too few hours in a day and too many great things to do with ones time.
Yes, exactly. Which is a good problem to have, all told. But still has to be managed.

[traladeda.livejournal.com]

I truly believe this extended winter has affected people on a core level, and even though it sounds like you know exactly what you need to do to reclaim your joy, I'm going to repost something Leora shared on Google.

http://www.alreadypretty.com/2011/05/self-care-cheat-sheet.html?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+alreadypretty+%28Already+Pretty%29

Self-Care Sheet

Make daily affirmations a habit. Every morning, look in the mirror and praise yourself aloud. Say, "You have the BEST smile," or, "Lookin' hot today, lady!" or, "You are strong and capable." You will be amazed at the impact this simple action will have on your self-image.

Wear clothes you love. Don’t wear clothes you don’t love.

Even if you don’t or can’t exercise, stretch. Do it several times each day. Stretching your body reminds you that it's there, it's alive, and it's amazing.

Say "no" to things you don’t want to do. You're in control, here.

Pretty, thin, and sexy all are optional. Good is mandatory. Find activities and items that make you feel good about yourself. Hold onto them.

Walk tall. Project pride. Even on days when you don't feel it.

Listen to your body. When it's tired, sleep. When it's hungry, eat. When it's restless, move. When it's horny, orgasm. When it's balanced, savor.

Express gratitude. Often.

Savor texture. Surround yourself with things that are soft, slippery, cushy, and wonderful to touch.

Cut yourself some slack. You are, undoubtedly, your own worst critic and undeserving of such harsh judgment and unreasonable standards. Find ways to go easy on yourself. You can't be 100% awesome all the time, and that is just fine.

We only have one planet, and we steward it together. You only have one body, and you steward it alone. Floss, sunscreen, vegetables, exercise, rest. If you don’t, who will?

Don’t forget to smile, and don’t forget to breathe.

***
On another note, a very practical thing to do is write down every single thing you have to do, but put just one thing on one piece of paper. You may have a stack that goes to the moon, but it's important that a piece of paper contains only one to-do thing. It can be anything from change the kitty litter to design a new web site. Then on that sheet of paper you can brainstorm the action steps you need to take to get that item done. Getting it out of your head may help alleviate the big, looming monster of unnamed stuff to do. (I got this tip from Getting things Done: The Art of Stress-Free Productivity by David Allen. I haven't finished it (haha), but from what I've read thus far, I recommend it.)

[birdfigment.livejournal.com]

Thank you. I particularly like Savor texture. Surround yourself with things that are soft, slippery, cushy, and wonderful to touch. ... hence the very fuzzy new couch. And cats are so delightful to pet. And my silk shirt today! Yay.
I am terrible at Cut yourself some slack, and Say "no" to things you don't want to do. But I am trying to get better.

The stack of stuff to do is an approach I would not have considered, I admit. I wonder if I would like it. I have found that to-do lists are often very helpful for me when I need to kick things into gear... like many people, I like to see things get crossed off the list as I finish them. I wonder if I'd like throwing away the piece of paper (or whatever) as much!

[ilexcassine.livejournal.com]

I let myself nap for the second day in a row today. That was huge. So I know what you mean about scheduling "me" time- its a good thing. I sometimes feel like my to do list is a giant kracken that is going to drag me down, its good to set it aside periodically, I totally think you are doing the right thing by doing so.

I suspect that the winter has probably done a number on you and things will get better with some self care. I hope you feel lively again soon, sounds like you are on the right track.

[birdfigment.livejournal.com]

I wish I could nap well! I'm glad you did.
Maybe you're right about the winter. It's just so weird that when I started to really notice feeling down was when the weather started to turn nicer. Huh?

[star5.livejournal.com]

it's tough to find balance. well done at saying no to things! it's hard because there are so many things out there that are interesting. but we just can't do them all. and if you don't take care of yourself, you'll be able to do even less.

[birdfigment.livejournal.com]

Yes, exactly. So many things that are interesting, and can't do them all. Alas!