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Life and death; death and life: Remembering Cameron
It's been a really intense and difficult time lately. I haven't posted since mid-November because I wasn't able to put together a post that made sense and talked about the important things, and I didn't want to gloss over them. I also haven't had time. It really has been a time of life and death and momentous things.
I will try to start with the one I find hardest. I think this will be the only subject of this post.
On November 21, Cameron died. He died at age 35, following a very surprising and severe stroke, which was complicated by continued bleeding and pressure in the brain, and several other complications. The staff at HCMC tried very hard to pull him through it, and I believe that he was fighting and struggling to heal, but in the long run, it was just too much for his body to recover from.
Cameron was my friend, and had been since college. We had been closer at times and less close at others, as I think happens with every friendship, but I was and am happy to say that our friendship endured, and that we got to see each other grow through the years. In college, I knew him as a quirky, incredibly bright, sarcastic guy whose sense of humor I almost always enjoyed; as half of the duo that DJed the college's "Metal Jambalaya" show; as someone who got mixed up in the odd and hilarious student film projects that went around that circle of friends, to good effect.
After college, I played in a few role-playing games he ran, that were always fascinating and never by the book. He was so good at taking the 'standard' world for the game in question and twisting it just enough to really make you think - and then to make you laugh out loud at various sly jokes he'd worked into the situation. I also learned to appreciate food with him. I recall that he was the first person I knew who made his own pizza from scratch, and I got to try a number of spicy dishes at cool restaurants with him from time to time. He could always eat the food hotter than I could, even though I'd spent my time eating curry in South India.
Cameron was also the husband of my very dear "partner in crime", Electra. I like to think that I get a tiny bit of "yenta credit" for their romance's start, as they were partially re-introduced to each other when I left the Twin Cities for grad school. It was so exciting and heartwarming to see my two dear friends find each other and bring so much light and laughter to each other. In the years that I was away from them both, I only got to see long-distance what they did for each other, but it was clear that they'd found a wonderful match in each other. I think they brought out in each other qualities that neither was inclined to show independently, and supported each other to be braver and stronger and more creative than they might have been without each other.
I remember that New Year's Eve when Cameron asked me if I would perform their wedding ceremony for them. I was so honored! And I was so happy to work with them to write a ceremony that was really "them". I still have it saved on my computer and it brings me joy to read it. As it turned out, I wasn't able to travel to be at their wedding - I had to have surgery on ovarian cysts instead, which trust me was not fun - and that was so disappointing to me (although I know their ceremony was lovingly performed by friends who stepped in at the last moment). But a few years later Joe & I moved back to the Twin Cities and was able to pick up on our friendship in person again.
Cameron and Electra had bought a house. I helped a tiny bit with the work involved in laying some floor, but wow, that was really all Cameron - it was cool to see him work on that and take such pains to make it beautiful. They put a lot of work into it overall, and made it a great place that really suited them - with places to play games, socialize, watch movies; and with teapots prominently on display, along with Electra's art. (Some of the teapots ARE her art.) While Cameron was working hard and rising through the ranks at the bank, Electra pursued art and really hit her stride with her ceramics. Cameron was so proud of her artwork! I'm so glad that they both made that happen.
I think Electra brought out the romantic in Cameron, which really was pretty astoundingly romantic. Get her to tell you about the puzzle-hunt he made her do for her ring someday, if you can. It's a great story, and was not the only elaborate quest he invented for her. He loved doing that sort of thing.
In the last few years, Cameron and Electra traveled a lot and became huge fans of exploring new places together. At the time, I was honestly a tiny bit jealous of their trips - they were going to such awesome places! But I am so intensely glad they got to have those trips together. They stretched their boundaries together and found some really cool adventures. They were going to have a lot more, too... And they came back from their trips enriched and full of stories, which Cameron enjoyed telling in both words and photos.
Of course, as is always the case with interesting people, we had a hard time finding time to hang out - all of us too busy with the various things we'd filled our lives with. We would occasionally make it work out to have dinner together, but I regret bitterly that I passed up on game-playing occasions I would have really enjoyed. I always loved to play games with Cameron, particularly word games. It was awesome to see him work on and help with the Play Date game event - I think he really only got pulled into that because of Electra, but once he got involved, he was for it with a whole heart. Cameron and Electra both helped when Joe and I bought our house, and had so much work to do on it. They helped not only with the prep work but also with the moving. For a guy with such a big brain, Cameron was never afraid to help with his body and do the heavy lifting manually, too. He helped me move countless times, and I remember he particularly helped with moving that awful bed down from the loft without having to take it apart! Wow.
It was such a shock to see him - that big, strong body, that face that was usually so mobile and full of humor and intelligence - in the ICU. I am glad I was able to be there, for him, for Electra, for at least some of the first few awful rollercoaster days. I am selfishly grateful that I got to be there at one of the times when the doctors said it was okay to talk to him (at other times they said it was too much stimulation for him and hence dangerous). I got to tell him that I'd help to take care of Electra until he could again, and I hope that he was comforted by that somewhat. I know that if I was in the hospital, I would worry about my loved ones.
The day he died, though, I was in the middle of a week in Florida with my family, celebrating my parents' 50th wedding anniversary. I remember I saw the news on my phone and collapsed in Joe's arms on the little boardwalk in the middle of the bird sanctuary, sobbing wildly. It wasn't supposed to go like this! He was supposed to recover! But obviously the way I thought it was "supposed" to go didn't matter.
Since then I have tried to help Electra as I can, and I have mourned. We all mourned at the service, and before and after; it was really interesting to see all the memories that came pouring out about him, both as college days' "Cam" and more recent years' "Cameron". In the midst of helping to deal with logistics, I found myself thinking of his "yay!" face - the way that he would visibly 'perk up' when someone said something that really delighted him, or when he found something that he thought someone else (especially Electra) would really enjoy.
Cameron, I miss you. I made red pepper jelly today and was thinking how you'd have gotten an extra spicy jar for Christmas. I think of you every time I see a penguin. I think of you more than you'd know. I hope you had some idea how much of a difference you made to so many people. You will always be in our hearts.
I will try to start with the one I find hardest. I think this will be the only subject of this post.
On November 21, Cameron died. He died at age 35, following a very surprising and severe stroke, which was complicated by continued bleeding and pressure in the brain, and several other complications. The staff at HCMC tried very hard to pull him through it, and I believe that he was fighting and struggling to heal, but in the long run, it was just too much for his body to recover from.
Cameron was my friend, and had been since college. We had been closer at times and less close at others, as I think happens with every friendship, but I was and am happy to say that our friendship endured, and that we got to see each other grow through the years. In college, I knew him as a quirky, incredibly bright, sarcastic guy whose sense of humor I almost always enjoyed; as half of the duo that DJed the college's "Metal Jambalaya" show; as someone who got mixed up in the odd and hilarious student film projects that went around that circle of friends, to good effect.
After college, I played in a few role-playing games he ran, that were always fascinating and never by the book. He was so good at taking the 'standard' world for the game in question and twisting it just enough to really make you think - and then to make you laugh out loud at various sly jokes he'd worked into the situation. I also learned to appreciate food with him. I recall that he was the first person I knew who made his own pizza from scratch, and I got to try a number of spicy dishes at cool restaurants with him from time to time. He could always eat the food hotter than I could, even though I'd spent my time eating curry in South India.
Cameron was also the husband of my very dear "partner in crime", Electra. I like to think that I get a tiny bit of "yenta credit" for their romance's start, as they were partially re-introduced to each other when I left the Twin Cities for grad school. It was so exciting and heartwarming to see my two dear friends find each other and bring so much light and laughter to each other. In the years that I was away from them both, I only got to see long-distance what they did for each other, but it was clear that they'd found a wonderful match in each other. I think they brought out in each other qualities that neither was inclined to show independently, and supported each other to be braver and stronger and more creative than they might have been without each other.
I remember that New Year's Eve when Cameron asked me if I would perform their wedding ceremony for them. I was so honored! And I was so happy to work with them to write a ceremony that was really "them". I still have it saved on my computer and it brings me joy to read it. As it turned out, I wasn't able to travel to be at their wedding - I had to have surgery on ovarian cysts instead, which trust me was not fun - and that was so disappointing to me (although I know their ceremony was lovingly performed by friends who stepped in at the last moment). But a few years later Joe & I moved back to the Twin Cities and was able to pick up on our friendship in person again.
Cameron and Electra had bought a house. I helped a tiny bit with the work involved in laying some floor, but wow, that was really all Cameron - it was cool to see him work on that and take such pains to make it beautiful. They put a lot of work into it overall, and made it a great place that really suited them - with places to play games, socialize, watch movies; and with teapots prominently on display, along with Electra's art. (Some of the teapots ARE her art.) While Cameron was working hard and rising through the ranks at the bank, Electra pursued art and really hit her stride with her ceramics. Cameron was so proud of her artwork! I'm so glad that they both made that happen.
I think Electra brought out the romantic in Cameron, which really was pretty astoundingly romantic. Get her to tell you about the puzzle-hunt he made her do for her ring someday, if you can. It's a great story, and was not the only elaborate quest he invented for her. He loved doing that sort of thing.
In the last few years, Cameron and Electra traveled a lot and became huge fans of exploring new places together. At the time, I was honestly a tiny bit jealous of their trips - they were going to such awesome places! But I am so intensely glad they got to have those trips together. They stretched their boundaries together and found some really cool adventures. They were going to have a lot more, too... And they came back from their trips enriched and full of stories, which Cameron enjoyed telling in both words and photos.
Of course, as is always the case with interesting people, we had a hard time finding time to hang out - all of us too busy with the various things we'd filled our lives with. We would occasionally make it work out to have dinner together, but I regret bitterly that I passed up on game-playing occasions I would have really enjoyed. I always loved to play games with Cameron, particularly word games. It was awesome to see him work on and help with the Play Date game event - I think he really only got pulled into that because of Electra, but once he got involved, he was for it with a whole heart. Cameron and Electra both helped when Joe and I bought our house, and had so much work to do on it. They helped not only with the prep work but also with the moving. For a guy with such a big brain, Cameron was never afraid to help with his body and do the heavy lifting manually, too. He helped me move countless times, and I remember he particularly helped with moving that awful bed down from the loft without having to take it apart! Wow.
It was such a shock to see him - that big, strong body, that face that was usually so mobile and full of humor and intelligence - in the ICU. I am glad I was able to be there, for him, for Electra, for at least some of the first few awful rollercoaster days. I am selfishly grateful that I got to be there at one of the times when the doctors said it was okay to talk to him (at other times they said it was too much stimulation for him and hence dangerous). I got to tell him that I'd help to take care of Electra until he could again, and I hope that he was comforted by that somewhat. I know that if I was in the hospital, I would worry about my loved ones.
The day he died, though, I was in the middle of a week in Florida with my family, celebrating my parents' 50th wedding anniversary. I remember I saw the news on my phone and collapsed in Joe's arms on the little boardwalk in the middle of the bird sanctuary, sobbing wildly. It wasn't supposed to go like this! He was supposed to recover! But obviously the way I thought it was "supposed" to go didn't matter.
Since then I have tried to help Electra as I can, and I have mourned. We all mourned at the service, and before and after; it was really interesting to see all the memories that came pouring out about him, both as college days' "Cam" and more recent years' "Cameron". In the midst of helping to deal with logistics, I found myself thinking of his "yay!" face - the way that he would visibly 'perk up' when someone said something that really delighted him, or when he found something that he thought someone else (especially Electra) would really enjoy.
Cameron, I miss you. I made red pepper jelly today and was thinking how you'd have gotten an extra spicy jar for Christmas. I think of you every time I see a penguin. I think of you more than you'd know. I hope you had some idea how much of a difference you made to so many people. You will always be in our hearts.